I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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