Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
