Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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