i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
