thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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