are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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