Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
