I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
