sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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