Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
