i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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