that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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