drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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