Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
