walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
