Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
