Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
