he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
