i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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