I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
