girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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