hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
