She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
