I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
