We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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