so explain again why im purple
no
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
