It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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