I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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