I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize