You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
