I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
