I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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