You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
