First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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