Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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