Apparently you make a good broom.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have two assholes
Ketchup is God's man juice
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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