That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
