it hurts more in the daytime
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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