Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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