is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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