Ketchup is God's man juice
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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