I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
