Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Me too!
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
