Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
