Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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