Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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