How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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