Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
