I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i think i just lost a toe
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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