dude i'm inner monologue high
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
