I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
