I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So many bounce houses so little time
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
