Will you blow on my dice?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
