I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
