you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
