is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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