So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
