Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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