so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
