1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
