so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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