Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize