When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We need to get me chipped asap
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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