Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she pinky promised me she was 18
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
