I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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