..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
