dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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